The gift of giving

The children are now receiving invites to a variety of parties. Amaani (3) generally loses them before I get a chance to see what she has been invited to but Asim (4) and Safiyya (8) have managed to attend a few. The first – and the second- time I duly wrapped up a present as usual with some wrapping paper I found lying around in the cupboard, and then it dawned on me that our own little contribution paled alongside the array of gifts from other families, all covered in a variety of fancy ribbons, bows, smart gift bags, hand-made tags…I mentioned to a nearby mother that clearly the South African culture was a little more elaborate in gift-giving than the British : ‘well you’ll know for next time’ came the rather curt response. Whoops!

But the generosity that is shown to children at their parties is reflected in so many other parts of life.

Every time we visit someone’s house, we now know that you must take something to eat…but then when the hosts return the plate, they have filled it again with something else! So now we have a collection of other people’s plates at home, waiting for me – or the children – to go on a mammoth baking session. I think this is called cultural integration but it seems to involve a lot of time in the kitchen!

People are even generous at school: the adults – and the children- are literally falling over themselves to hold the security gates and doors open for each other! Asim has picked up on this habit and will happily spend a large portion of the morning drop-off and afternoon pickup hanging off the school gate and vetting everyone who dares to go through.

The best occasion at school so far has been –surprisingly- when Father Christmas visited. While all the children waited with their families in the playing field, he made a grand entrance… in an empty minibus. The children all rushed to him excitedly (even those children who are well aware of his true status) and were falling over themselves to give him presents. Within 10 minutes, his minibus was full of presents to give to local children’s homes – and all the young children went away, empty-handed yet exhilarated.

Talking with other parents, I have been amazed at the genuine kindness so many have shown in their own actions. Some have fostered abused or unwanted children for short and long term placements; one has even ‘adopted’ grandparents whom she originally met on Hajj and since converted her garage into a pleasant little flat for them. Others have chosen to adopt children, including those with special needs. Safiyya remembered this while we were in the car with one of the adopted children and wanted to find out more: “So your mother didn’t love you then?” she asked, sensitively.

Even the local free parent’s magazine encourages parents to nurture giving children and carries ‘scaremongering’ stories of well-off children who get overwhelmed with presents. So I have been following the tips to inculcate the habit of giving…although initially it all backfired in a big way when the kids attempted to give away each other’s toys. And when I told the children about the plan of various people who will visit us from the UK to bring out second-hand clothes for poor children in a spare suitcase, the children immediately got into a unwarranted and irrelevant heated discussion about whose suitcase would be given away, and were again busy volunteering each other’s! I don’t think this is quite what the article-writers had in mind.

And of course God is the Most Generous. I explained to Amaani that Muslims believe we have Angels on our shoulders, who record our kind and generous deeds (along with those that are not so kind or generous). Amaani’s surprising reaction was to run round and round in circles: it transpires she was trying to make the Angels dizzy. Undeterred, I told Asim and Amaani that if they were truly kind and generous now, then later God may let them choose their very own castles in Paradise. Amaani instantly declared she wanted to live in Rapunzel’s castle. Asim obligingly staged an imaginary mock shoot-out, and Amaani promptly enacted Rapunzel dying a slow and painful death. They were happy; I was stunned – yet another life lesson that hadn’t gone according to plan!

So perhaps the children and I have a fair bit of work to do to nurture the gift of giving so prevalent in South African culture, but there are enough examples around here to inspire us all. And I am clearly going to have to practise my ribbon-tying skills.

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